Over the hump and safely into the meat of July. We’ve entered double-digits, boys and girls. It’s hard-hat time. You’re either grinding through summer with us, or you’re getting left behind.
Or, you know, you’re on vacation like the rest of the country. Either-or. No days off around here, though. We press on like patriots.
Let’s press.
Welcome to a Thursday Nightcaps – the one where we cure our summertime blues with Brittany Mahomes, and go from there.
Remember, we respect Brittany in this class. A lot of folks hate her. Not me. She’s a vet, and every once in a while, she cranks out an Instagram heater just to remind the world she’s still here.
What else? I’ve got Food Network Giada up to her old tricks (if you know, you know), Tom Brady banging Sofía Vergara (allegedly, of course!), the Red Sox are officially the horniest team in baseball, and this new Afghanistan tourism ad has me ready to book the next flight out of Orlando!
Someone across the pond is getting a big-time raise today. THIS is how you market, boys and girls.
Grab you some popcorn and strap the hell in for a Thursday ‘Cap!
Who’s with me?!
I mean, we have to start with this video. When it came across my screen this morning, I thought Grok was behind it. It HAD to be AI. There was no other option.
But, Grok’s in Twitter Timeout right now after praising Adolf Hitler all week (true story), so I assume he’s not behind it.
Regardless, I cannot get enough.
Incredible work here. I mean, it’s a masterclass from start to finish. You think you’re tuning in for another run-of-the-mill beheading, and then BAM – you’re thrust into the wonderful world of Afghanistan.
Great rivers to swim in, an awesome selection of guns – all American-made! – and what appears to be some high-end dining.
What’s not to like? Looks like a round-trip flight from Orlando to Kabul will cost you around $2k right now. And it’s only a 25-hour trip!
All aboard!
Tom Brady didn’t spend the weekend in Afghanistan, but he wasn’t far away!
Amazing. What a time to be alive.
Anyway, let’s get down to business today. Enough fooling around – we’ve got Tom Brady news to dive into.
For those who missed it over the weekend, Tom was on something called Luminara superyacht last week because he’s a single billionaire enjoying his final month of freedom.
Apparently, he spent most of his time courting Sofía Vergara – the one hot chick from Modern Family who was inexplicably married to the dad from Married … with children.
Now, nobody has come out and said it quite yet, but we don’t beat around the bush around here. We just don’t. I call ‘em as I see ’em. Balls and strikes. No BS.
Tom and Sofia banged like bunnies, and don’t you dare let anyone tell you anything different.
Giada, horny Red Sox & Brittany’s BACK
From the NY Post:
The retired NFL star and the bombshell “Modern Family” actress have been spending time together in Ibiza, Spain, and a source described the situation to Page Six as a “summer romance.”
It all started about a week ago on the Luminara superyacht — launched by the Ritz-Carlton Yacht Collection.
Brady and Vergara were apparently googly-eyed over each other at one of the gala dinners aboard the yacht. The two were photographed sitting next to each other, and a source familiar with the situation told us their cozy-looking seating arrangement wasn’t happenstance.
“He asked to switch seats to sit next to her at dinner,” a source told Page Six.
The Post won’t say it, but I will. We all know what this means. Come on. Let’s take the kid gloves off for a second here and act like adults who have had sex.
This is a summer bang, plain and simple. A summer hookup between two horny folks, who are both coming off a divorce. It’s textbook stuff, really. Sofia is hot. Tom is hot. They’re both rich. They’re both single. They’re on a yacht. They’re bored with their lives.
So, naturally, Tom makes his move and sits next to her for dinner. After a couple of hours of wining & dining, they both go below deck to … go below deck. Simple transaction.
I picture the sex scene from Titanic where Jack and Rose just bang in a random car before freezing to death two hours later. Beautiful stuff.
Anyway, I’m all in. Can’t wait to see where this crazy train takes us. LOVE this for our summer #content well.
OK, let’s rapid-fire this bad boy into a big Thursday night. First up? While we’re talking about older, famous, rich people who still have their fastball, let’s go ahead and check in with Food Network Giada!
There are two queens atop the food influencer mountain right now, and they are Tiff Ann and Food Network Giada. The list starts and stops with those two, and it ain’t particularly close.
This is how you sell pasta, boys and girls. Take notes.
Next? Let’s try to mix in some sports today, even though there is nothing going on beyond meaningless baseball.
And by meaningless, I mean the Red Sox riding a 7-game winning streak into the third and final wild card spot, and being horny as hell while doing so!
Frankly, I think this is the most under-reported thing in professional sports right now. Seriously. I watch the Sox pretty much every night, and I can’t get enough of it. Garrett Crochet is the horniest ace in baseball. Dude is always hungry. Same with Jarren Duran.
Boys being boys, I reckon. This is how you #GrowTheGame. Dudes love hitting dingers, packing bombs and sex That’s it. That’s all we want.
The ‘03 Sox had ’Cowboy Up.’ The 2004 Sox were ‘The Idiots.’ The 2013 squad had all the beards. And now, the 2025 Sox just love boobs and butts. Simple, to the point, and it gets the job done.
Can’t wait to see these dudes come playoff time.
OK, that’s it for today. Help us cure our summertime blues, Brittany Mahomes!
See you tomorrow.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
You buying some pasta from Giada? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.
